I received an email this week from some company trying to get its
name out in the public. (I could check and see the company’s name and
tell you what it is, but they’re not paying me, just bombing me with
junk emails.) The premise I thought was a little strange. “What are the
best and worst cities in the country to have a staycation.” The concept
seemed rather strange because a staycation is taking a vacation without
leaving home. That means there is no way I can take a staycation in
Buffalo, New York. That would have to be a vacation since I would have
to drive a few hours just to get there. I must staycation in
northwestern Ohio. That’s the way these things work.
they came up with this whole list of cities ranked by the number of
recreational activities, like parks and golf courses, by food and
entertainment, by rest and relaxation like how soft the beds are in
hotels or something I guess, and by weather. And they can’t be ranked by
best weather since Minneapolis is ranked 9th and Honolulu is ranked
66th. Who these people are that love Minnesota weather that much more
than Hawaii, I don’t know. (And I’m not going to check the company’s
name to find out!) So, these rankings are rather suspect. After all,
Fort Wayne, Indiana, weather is ranked 25th.
But back to what I
was going to mention, this nameless, accuracy-intensive company included
some worthless factoids it called “key stats.” I wanted to share some
of these with you. For instance, the company tells us that Las Vegas has
87 times more live performances per capita than Lincoln, Nebraska. Duh.
More live shows in Vegas vs. the capital of Nebraska. Who’d have
thought that? Why is this company bothering me with useless information?
continue. Tampa, Florida has 143 times more zoos and aquariums per
capita than New York City. Seems a little strange. I’m not surprised
that the Big Apple does not have a large number of animal attractions,
but 143 times as many of anything seems too many. I wouldn’t know why
Tampa would have 143 times more zoos and aquariums than any city. That’s
a whole lot of extra animals.
Continuing. Going bowling in New
York City is 3.5 times more expensive than in Buffalo. Alright, we’ve
officially surpassed the Who Cares Quotient. I would assume doing most
anything in New York City is more expensive than in Buffalo, so why
study this? Probably government funding was involved, but I’m not going
back to look for that company name to find out. At least the thought of
people going on vacation in New York City to go bowling just makes me
we bring it closer to home. According to this nameless,
accuracy-intense company with nothing much to do, going to a beauty
salon in Los Angeles is three times more expensive than in Fort Wayne.
Make a mental note of that one. If you go to southern California, wait
to get your hair done until you get back to Fort Wayne. The difference
might save you enough money so you can go to New York to go bowling.
in Fort Wayne, apparently hiring a maid in the City of the Three Rivers
is inexplicably five times more expensive than hiring the same domestic
help in Winston-Salem, North Carolina. My congratulations to the maids
working in Fort Wayne for pulling down some good coin. Is it because
nobody pays good money in North Carolina or are the
professionally-cleaned houses in the Summit City all spotless? The world
may never know.
One more regional “key fact” is that Cincinnati
has 173 more public parks per capita than Toledo. That’s what this
company says. I’ve been to Cincy, but I don’t remember a park on every
block. I also don’t remember a dearth of trees in Toledo. But what do I
know. I don’t even know the name of this silly
nothing-else-to-do-than-waste-everyone’s-time company. It’s probably one
of those statistical tricks. Like the one where every person in the
world can stand up on one square foot of land apiece inside
Jacksonville, Florida. I’ve heard that one a lot. Apparently,
Jacksonville takes up a whole lot more square footage than normal
cities, so there’s enough room for the world’s population. And there’s
plenty of room in the stadium where the Jacksonville Jaguars play.
Nobody shows up there!
So what have you learned today? Well,
precious little, really. But you do know thing are expensive in Los
Angeles and New York City, and maids are expensive in Fort Wayne, and
there are a lot of trees in Cincinnati and few in Toledo, so if you have
to walk your dog, travel south. And, according to nameless sources and
companies, you can staycation anywhere in the U.S.A. And, of course, the
weather in Minneapolis is better than in Honolulu. And, of course,
don’t believe everything you read.