Today’s column is about a rather delicate subject. As Delphos mourns
the loss of a young mother at the hands of her husband, I feel compelled
to address the issue of domestic violence.
I urge anyone who is
being mistreated — verbally or physically — to get out of the situation.
If there are children involved, do so doubly fast.
You often hear
the abused party give a myriad of reasons why they can’t or won’t
leave. They don’t have any money, nowhere to go or they were more afraid
to leave than to stay. Fear is a great motivator. That’s why the abuser
has the upper hand. The other person is afraid — sometimes of
You will never hear me say being afraid of something
is stupid. Fear isn’t always bad; it’s how we react to that fear that
determines how the story unfolds. Fear gives some the courage to do
things they never would have otherwise. Fear can also incapacitate
someone and prevent them from avoiding what they fear the most.
the time it takes you to read this column, more than two dozen people
in the United States will have been a victim of rape, physical violence
or stalking by an intimate partner, according to the National Domestic
Violence Hotline. That’s more than 12 million women and men over the
course of a year. That’s more people than live in the state of Ohio!
officers will say domestic violence calls can be the most dangerous
events to respond to. Often, the victim will refuse to press charges and
if the abuser becomes unruly or uncooperative and has to be subdued by
officers, the victim will try to protect the very person who is hurting
them. I don’t understand the logic or mentality in that but I guess I
don’t have to. It is what it is.
When someone stays in an abusive
relationship and it doesn’t involve children, I’m not quite as concerned
as when it does. Witnessing that behavior teaches children it’s OK. If
it’s a man abusing a woman it shows girls that’s how they should expect
to be treated and it shows boys it’s OK to treat them like that and if
the situation is reversed, vice versa.
I know that when my husband
and I have enthusiastic conversations, Little Ringo’s ears and tail go
down and he kind of shrinks a little. He doesn’t like it. Blow that up
about 100 times for children. They are little sponges collecting
everything that goes on around them and processing it for future use.
They should feel loved, safe and secure in their own home.
Children in abusive households are more likely to abuse and be abused. You are the adult. You need to break the cycle.
you are a victim of domestic violence, please get out of the situation.
Ask for help from family or friends. You have options that don’t
involve being hurt.
If you have children, do it not only for
yourself, but for them. It will be hard and they may not understand and
misguidedly blame you for the absent parent or caregiver and the
situation they find themselves in. Be strong. You are doing the right
If you are an abuser, please get help. You can stop it. You
can find the reason you act or react the way you do and fix it. You can
break the cycle.