I guess it only makes sense. So many rock and pop songs are written about or are inspired by women, it’s only natural that so many songs have female first names in the title or featured in the title. As I was listening to Bruce Springsteen sing, “I wanna die with you, Wendy, on the street tonight in an everlast kiss, Huh!” it hit me again. “Born to Run” is an exception, since the name Wendy didn’t make the title. She is referred to by name three times in the song, but not in the title.

Rock and roll is full of songs with simple stories about a certain girl. Diana, Jane, Ruby baby, Christine sixteen, and Dawn (Go away I’m no good for you). And for the most part, the girl’s names are beautiful, and they should be beautiful, after all the girls inspired songs to be written about them. So which names haven’t inspired music and sheer poetry?

Well, there are plenty of girl name songs. You can list a handful in just 15 seconds. Go ahead. I’ll wait. OK, I’ll give you a start: Angie, Amie, Veronica. Keep going. Come on, you can do it. How about Barbara Ann? Billie Jean? Or Brandy. She’s a fine girl. Wake up and write down Little Suzie. Don’t make this too difficult. Elvira. Gloria. Beth. Mandy. There is a whole harem of them!

But what about the not-so inspirational names. Let’s try Agnes. Has anyone recorded a song named “Agnes?” Actually, yes. Donnie Iris recorded “Agnes” in 1980. It wasn’t a hit. It’s rally not that great of a song. You might expect to hear a song like that one the flipside of a 45. You remember 45s, right?

How about Bertha? That’s an old-fashioned name. Well, I remember a song from the 70s by the Jimmy Castor Bunch called, and I quote, “The Bertha Butt Boogie (part 1). And yes, there was a part 2. True that the song was about Bertha’s obvious weight problem and its affect on Bertha’s dancing, but it is a song about a Bertha.

How about Gertrude? I struck out on finding a Gertrude song. Helga? Ditto for Helga. Apparently no talented musician has ever fallen for a girl named Helga or Gertrude. Prudence? Of course there’s a Prudence. The Beatles did “Dear Prudence,” a song that I never really cared for, but it’s a song! Olga? Harry Belafonte sang a song called, “Olga,” but I can’t find a recording online to see what it sounds like.

So you see, I really had to work to find a common girl’s name with no song. I realize Gertrude and Helga aren’t exactly common names, but they are really names and have been for many years, not made up by misspelling some words and deciding it looks pretty that way, then assigning that moniker to a baby girl who won’t be able to fight back until she’s a teenager.

There are plenty of songs with words included that you didn’t know was meant to be a name. “Sundown” by Gordon Lightfoot is rumored to be about a girl with the nickname Sundown. There was the hit “Cinnamon” by Derek about a girl named Cinnamon. And don’t even get me started about a girl named Sloopy.

Some girls got more than one song. Take Mary for instance. Besides two songs simply named, “Mary,” there is “Along Comes Mary,” “Crazy Mary,” “Cross-Eyed Mary,” “Fly Mary,” “If Mary’s There,” ” Jolly Holiday (with Mary,) “Mary Go Round,” “Mary Had a Little Lamb,” “Mary Go Round,” ” Mary, Mary,” “Midnight Mary,” “Suite Sister Mary,” “Sweet Mary,” “Mary Queen of Arkansas,” “Take a Message to Mary,” “Oh, Mary Don’t You Weep,” ” The Wind Cries Mary,” and the marry-associated names like “Mary Jane’s Last Dance,” “Hello Mary Lou,” and “Maryanne.” And if you think that’s a lot just for Mary, look up all the Sue/Suzie songs.

It doesn’t matter if you are beautiful or even if your name is beautiful. Enough pie-eyed men have been head over heels over a girl to get most females “their” song. Sometimes you just have to do enough research to find the right one.